my love

i don't usually write anything before my poems, but i thought this deserved a comment. this was intended to be a prose piece but i'm usually incapable of coherent thoughts and decided to just keep writing until i'd said everything i wanted to say. i'm finding lockdown is hard and i just wanted to talk about it. so here's some poetic prose spring is fleeting yet eternal. we are constantly waiting for its arrival. it arrives loudly and leaves quietly. cherry blossoms are encapsulating and overbearing and gone within days but for two weeks the earth is decorated with dancing pink silhouettes stretching across the sky. the relief from winter and the prerequisite for summer, spring works hard to bring the earth back to life. i think spring started not long ago yet i have hardly seen it from the smallness of my window. an appreciation for my garden has inexplicably grown as high and strong as the flowers climbing the bricks of my home, without it i might have never ha...

please i want so badly for the good things to happen sweet Sylvia i'm trapped in your jar looking unto the world from afar the glass so thick it's like i'm oceans apart from these good things you dream so much about, the fig tree is falling and dropping at my feet i'm surrounded by decaying fruit yet every person that i meet is gorging savoring on ripe opportunity theirs for the taking as i continue to starve to death of my own making, give me something i'm suffocating on the smell of fresh linen and warm air queer and sultry perhaps flowers will grow over me, like a lavender field in the country i deserve a spring and a summer and another and another and another so the good things can finally happen i will not succumb to the jar and the heat Sylvia one day we shall eventually meet and i will tell you about the good things that you never got to see

the sky is a lovely shade of lilac and i want to sleep this year has been an eternity i've lived a lifetime within its weeks despite it being march my friends are few and far apart separated  by distance and disease  and immense uncertainty  the sun is shining almost tauntingly with the knowledge we cannot enjoy it in each-others company  we're in quarantine  self-isolation and social distancing words not in my vocabulary until the start of last week yet now their meanings consume me they are our new reality for an unforeseeable future and all the phone calls and texts and pictures we've shared from gardens and bedrooms none of it will compare to the day we're reunited under this vast blue sky holding onto each other tightly  with such happiness we'll cry but until then i shall be content  with hearing your voices on the phone and your face through grainy filters  from the safety of my home flower...

and in case we never speak again for whatever reason just know the effect you had on me will last longer than our time together i became content with silence and found happiness in your company you never needed to say anything i was fine with not knowing because words will never compete with the amount of respect you gave to me freely from day one and i realised there are good people who i can share the night with and the day with and all the in between moments with without compromise you made me feel weightless no heaviness hung on my heart or my limbs i was made of light and joy and i got to see the sun again at her best because i wanted to wake up for the first time in a long time you're a lot like the sun you rise with the birds and make the day better there are so many things i am going to write that you will never read because i won't burden you with memories we never had time to complete but i got to spend a year with your warmth across...

its early ambiguously early birds are calling so i can tell its the morning but the sun is yet to wake up as are you, it's dark but i know you're there your warmth radiates into me unrelentingly but i'm grateful for it my eyes closed for a second yet hours passed it's quiet a nice quiet the backdrop of unwavering safety to just sleep with arms weaved together and fingers interlocked, and if knew this was the last time for a long time i would have held on a little tighter and kept you a little closer enjoying the ambiguity and the certainty that you were here right now at this in-between hour where time doesn't exist because at this moment neither of us know that after the sun rises and sets again everything will happen and we'll end up counting seconds and kisses and squeezing hands breaking down and calming down until everything becomes quiet again except this time i'm not grateful for it and everything is ambiguous ag...

the january moonlight is drowning me. light as white as bone and half as brittle, she stays a little. twenty-one stars in the sky, it's too early. you're awaiting a golden lover. both god and the mother she's watching you wander further and further. cheeks stung by the cold you wonder; is this it? the trees answer on her behalf. each whisper a reminder. you ought to be kinder, a body divine discarded. fragile capricorn. to break over and over. was it worth it? are you satisfied, i made constellations in your eyes but that wasn't enough. a lover made of gold. they'll fix you, stroke your hair and kiss, kiss your cheeks harder than the wind. is it possible for too many roses to grow on your skin? the loveliest marks. be patient, these stars will fall down and bring you your sparks. keep following the path. twenty-one will turn to twenty-two, that's the one thing the moon can promise you.

  i wish i had more beautiful things to say my mind is full of beautiful things to say everything seems so much nicer than it did yesterday and i don't deny that you've had a part to play in this rosy tinted glow but I've got no proof to show because i cannot get the words out you understand what i'm on about my poetry feels lackluster compared to yours, it's difficult to comprehend how someone can write so wonderfully and speak so wonderfully and be, so wonderfully,  my puffy eyes and running nose are the antithesis of composed and yet everything is so much nicer than it was last week, in this hour in this second beauty beckoned  itself unto me through you, sitting on a swing set at sunset showing me your favorite songs and one's that reminded you of me i was yours entirely in that moment looking at the stars that i rarely get to see and you kissed me so carefully i thought you were scared you asked me if this was okay if i was...