from kitchen intimacy to leaving you at the sea

i knew where everything was in your kitchen,

there was intimacy in that, i think

placing myself amongst the clutter

being one of your many things

i'd browse your mugs and write my name on your fridge

in tiny magnetic letters

so you'd always remember where i'd been

i adored it, honestly

everything in that red triangle house

belonged to you at least partly, including me

shoes scattered across the hallway

big black boots, loose laces, and my h&m flats

this house was lived in, nobody could deny that

it was cosy, vibrant and homely

lovers scattered across the floor

friends sat everywhere, blocking the door

some of my favourite memories were in rooms full of people

i'd never previously met, and i'll confess it was strange

sometimes trying to put names to faces or words in mouths

but your face would always stick out smiling in the crowd

like sunshine amongst clouds,

kissing you was like kissing the sun it was hot and hesitant

more golden than gold

you'd take me upstairs after hours of stolen smiles

and glances, to your bedroom where we'd almost have sex

for the one hundredth time

everything above the covers but still below the throat

i can still feel your hair on my neck

and every sound you ever made, every note

echoes in the air when i walk past your house down that road

then we'd sit in each-others arms after we grew tired

of feigned love-making and never mention what transpired

to anyone, despite all the prying eyes that waited for our return

with salacious suspicion and vicarious desire

you'd tell me you loved me so often i think i started to ignore it

as if it was a piece of punctuation, a way to end a sentence or say goodbye

i wonder if you still say my name with intention or was it all just a lie

when you spoke of me like i was unearthly, sent from heaven for you to try

and warm by dripping light onto my lips to burn through all my cold

it was all too much for you i suppose, when you learnt someone else 

laid claim on me too, you could have many things but i wasn't allowed to

so you left me shortly after that and you wear her ring now not mine, or maybe you still do

a tiny reminder or piece of proof of that younger girl you loved at university

who made you laugh, got you coffee and always called you pretty

but i'll blow a kiss for you whenever i go to the sea, darling girl

or look for you in the sun for a moment, before my skin and heart start to burn