my love

if we were put here to experience, to share fruit and look at the moon, to skim pebbles across open water and hope that summer is coming soon, you'll wish for snow every year just to complain that it's made your fingers far too cold again and ruined your day but when it's gone you'll miss it so enjoy it whilst you can because spring leaves no prisoners when she decides she wants to bloom and the cold will be gone just that little bit too soon, everything you can see and touch and taste was especially made for you to know this world personally on a first name basis to see it's many faces and kiss them all, impulsively, remember to look at paintings more than once until you notice something new maybe a new favourite colour or the beautiful eyes of another waiting to be noticed by you all those years later, time is a worthless indicator when connections can be formed through paint and ink for those who used to write and smile and think  just like us, right now, look in...

i knew where everything was in your kitchen, there was intimacy in that, i think placing myself amongst the clutter being one of your many things i'd browse your mugs  and write my name on your fridge in tiny magnetic letters so you'd always remember where i'd been i adored it, honestly everything in that red triangle house belonged to you at least partly,  including me shoes scattered across the hallway big black boots, loose laces, and my h&m flats this house was lived in, nobody could deny that it was cosy, vibrant and homely lovers scattered across the floor friends sat everywhere, blocking the door some of my favourite memories were in rooms full of people i'd never previously met, and i'll confess it was strange sometimes trying to put names to faces or words in mouths but your face would always stick out smiling in the crowd like sunshine amongst clouds, kissing you was like kissing the sun it was hot and hesitant more golden than gold you'd take me u...

  in case you ever foolishly forget; i am never not thinking of you nor is my heart ever not yearning for the comfort of your presence  as vita told virginia all those years ago words burned into the hearts of lovers you’ve reduced me to a thing of wants a foolish creature and a desperate one please, release me it’s been painful for an eternity i miss you endlessly more than i could have imagined  yet it doesn’t need repeating you know everything already you’ve always been far too clever,  beautifully clever whisper something sweet to me something wise, something wild plant seeds and watch them grow  until i’m able to finally know how the world looks through your eyes, maybe colours will seem brighter and the air more satisfying to breathe if i knew how it felt to love the way you do and be loved, the way you are, in the future someone will read these words and adore them in the same way we adore theirs, perhaps they’ll adore us too and be inspired to love human...

  a thousand tiny windows have gone by stacked higher and higher into the darkened sky until they look like stars, lonely clusters of constellations the hushed ambience of quiet conversation blends gently with the humming of the carriage  the repetition beautiful and endless every minute both personal and precious  yet shared with so many  the unrivalled bliss of complete anonymity  in this moment i am anybody, everybody and nobody the air is rich with mystery brief eye contact with a stranger multitudes bloom in oceans of blue,  green, and brown what unexpected peace i have found through the glance of another  a thousand more hours i would suffer below blinding screens and cancellations  forgotten tickets, and commiseration because anywhere is better than where i am right now i’ll travel to the end of the earth to escape my own thoughts when they fill my head and begin to spill and pool around my feet but they cannot compete with the encompassing...

staring at the ceiling on an empty stomach for the third time this week voices whisper and taunt me that i haunt nobody's dreams, nor am i a passing thought never shown as much love as i myself brought to everyone, fuck if i ever write a poem about anyone again i wish they could stay there and then if the ink was ever to bleed or i hit delete, they would disappear with it, god it feels like fucking forever since someone touched me with intention so many honorable mentions in this hall of infamy i wanted you and you and you to be interested in me too, funny how it always ends up hopelessly romantic and pathetically pedantic  you're documented in my foolish decision to turn you into something  perfect you were undeserving, making me playlists and tainting songs sorry if this comes across too strong but i wish i'd never met you sometimes and you only existed within these lines the honey that dripped from your lips onto mine has spoiled,  i know there's poems written abo...

l ets sit outside on the front step smoke a zoot, silence looks good on you the street is still, nothing awake but the faintest chill stroking the back of my neck playfully its just us, and the spiders i know i complain but  i really don't mind it you're just braver than me, honestly this house far older than both of us  yet we brought it to life the walls would complain if they could maybe if they understood, they'd leave us alone, what happens when the front door closes, the cold is kissing our noses i'm sure the stars are staring back at us when we look up and see nothing  making wishes on planes, just to feel something two lonely girls in the city dwelling in self pity and hopelessness is this it? i fucking hope not but for now i'm content, this friendship has meant more than any of the boys that came before and after, even though they feel like everything just switch off, don't reply  he doesn't deserve you and no, it's not a lie this will pass too ...

i left my mind on crushed blue velvet in a crack among the cushions it stayed there whilst i slipped onto the cold wooden floor sinking slowly i could no longer tell where my body ended and the ground started anymore glassy eyes pointing upwards like a doll, discarded my physical self finally departed warm and still, a lucid dream if you will yet i comprehend nothing and no longer wish to red wine replaced my blood my veins begin to flood and all i can hear are the whispers in the trees and soft breathing laying next to me  to replicate my heartbeat the mind is a wonderful manipulator  disguised as reason it has motherly venom that drips and poisons reminding me how starved my skin must be of gentleness and sincerity her standards impossible to meet we share our burdens quietly  but our minds are far away stuck in an endless summer burning themselves out  like old rolls of film erasing the past, replacing the present don't you feel content lets read together, go for ...