things left unsaid

and i wonder
if we lay there a little while longer
you looking into my eyes
for what felt like the first time
you'd have seen the things i wanted to say
floating around inside my brain
because none of them could find their way
through my lips and off my tongue
stuck in the back of my throat
and i choked
every time i tried
to say something you'd want to hear
maybe in reality my greatest fear
was that nothing i'd ever say
was what you'd want to hear
at any time or any place
so with my hand still resting on your face
for maybe the last time
i'll kiss you instead
so all the thoughts inside my head
will remain the things i left unsaid
but maybe you felt them
just for a second
i'll allow myself to pretend

Comments

to the daughters of builders who drive white vans

on the 6am train the men smell like my father; red bull, cigarettes, dried cement - they wake up like my father i feel safe in this carriage, these men are my father, any man with a van and one arm out the window, sunburnt from the elbow down - the infamous builder’s tan - seats so dusty i can’t breathe and i have lungs like my father, full of second-hand smoke and concrete, a touch of asbestos, i should weep for my father but my pockets are healthy i am told by my father whose hands shake as he brings another beer to his lips at 10am on a saturday morning, this is coping for my father these men cope - cope like my father - with the asbestos lungs, uneven tans, shaking hands, muscles in constant pain, water on the brain, the ever encroaching grasp of old age; with substances up the nose they unwind like my father this kind of masculinity doesn’t last forever, you know...

i can only write when i am thinking about God

I can only write when I am thinking about God and sometimes God is God and he loves me, most of the time he does not the hand that feeds me overpowered by teeth that bite he visits me at night like a shark smells blood he smells lust, guilt, and greed brought to my knees, voice hushed he picks apart my greed and my lust promising to forgive, to forget he will make me repent and regret, any pain or pleasure at his expense provided in selfless restoration a gift of his affections exchanged for endless loyalty God is not always God, sometimes he is my lover he tells me he loves me, most of the time he does not I can only write when I am thinking about God

two foxes playing at a train station at night

rotten creatures, full of pestilence and noise run! chase the last train away the last human with it, bring your nuisance here your mischief, your trickery sovereigns of the night the earth is yours, run circles round each other leave tracks upon the floor, for the day folk to find and wonder the secrets of your tiny paws

my love

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