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faint lines

faint lines
traced by fingers
soothed by lies
and aloe vera
they spell out my failure
touched by an angel
or cursed by lightening 
spending my life on lightening
oils and creams
when they get angry and red
stretching my patience
and my confidence
thinner and thinner
oh to be thinner
how beautiful would that be
yet here they remain
a constant reminder 
that i used to be bigger
my thighs thicker
and stomach softer
than right now
fear penetrates through me
the desire to keep proving
that i can lose it
and be wonderful
i couldn't possibly keep it
and be wonderful
that's impossible
to me
yet maybe one day
i shall see them as lovely
tiger stripes
earned in a lifetime 
proof that i have existed
loved
and grown
my body moving with me
wherever i may go
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