my love

  in case you ever foolishly forget; i am never not thinking of you nor is my heart ever not yearning for the comfort of your presence  as vita told virginia all those years ago words burned into the hearts of lovers you’ve reduced me to a thing of wants a foolish creature and a desperate one please, release me it’s been painful for an eternity i miss you endlessly more than i could have imagined  yet it doesn’t need repeating you know everything already you’ve always been far too clever,  beautifully clever whisper something sweet to me something wise, something wild plant seeds and watch them grow  until i’m able to finally know how the world looks through your eyes, maybe colours will seem brighter and the air more satisfying to breathe if i knew how it felt to love the way you do and be loved, the way you are, in the future someone will read these words and adore them in the same way we adore theirs, perhaps they’ll adore us too and be inspired to love human...

  a thousand tiny windows have gone by stacked higher and higher into the darkened sky until they look like stars, lonely clusters of constellations the hushed ambience of quiet conversation blends gently with the humming of the carriage  the repetition beautiful and endless every minute both personal and precious  yet shared with so many  the unrivalled bliss of complete anonymity  in this moment i am anybody, everybody and nobody the air is rich with mystery brief eye contact with a stranger multitudes bloom in oceans of blue,  green, and brown what unexpected peace i have found through the glance of another  a thousand more hours i would suffer below blinding screens and cancellations  forgotten tickets, and commiseration because anywhere is better than where i am right now i’ll travel to the end of the earth to escape my own thoughts when they fill my head and begin to spill and pool around my feet but they cannot compete with the encompassing...

staring at the ceiling on an empty stomach for the third time this week voices whisper and taunt me that i haunt nobody's dreams, nor am i a passing thought never shown as much love as i myself brought to everyone, fuck if i ever write a poem about anyone again i wish they could stay there and then if the ink was ever to bleed or i hit delete, they would disappear with it, god it feels like fucking forever since someone touched me with intention so many honorable mentions in this hall of infamy i wanted you and you and you to be interested in me too, funny how it always ends up hopelessly romantic and pathetically pedantic  you're documented in my foolish decision to turn you into something  perfect you were undeserving, making me playlists and tainting songs sorry if this comes across too strong but i wish i'd never met you sometimes and you only existed within these lines the honey that dripped from your lips onto mine has spoiled,  i know there's poems written abo...

l ets sit outside on the front step smoke a zoot, silence looks good on you the street is still, nothing awake but the faintest chill stroking the back of my neck playfully its just us, and the spiders i know i complain but  i really don't mind it you're just braver than me, honestly this house far older than both of us  yet we brought it to life the walls would complain if they could maybe if they understood, they'd leave us alone, what happens when the front door closes, the cold is kissing our noses i'm sure the stars are staring back at us when we look up and see nothing  making wishes on planes, just to feel something two lonely girls in the city dwelling in self pity and hopelessness is this it? i fucking hope not but for now i'm content, this friendship has meant more than any of the boys that came before and after, even though they feel like everything just switch off, don't reply  he doesn't deserve you and no, it's not a lie this will pass too ...

i left my mind on crushed blue velvet in a crack among the cushions it stayed there whilst i slipped onto the cold wooden floor sinking slowly i could no longer tell where my body ended and the ground started anymore glassy eyes pointing upwards like a doll, discarded my physical self finally departed warm and still, a lucid dream if you will yet i comprehend nothing and no longer wish to red wine replaced my blood my veins begin to flood and all i can hear are the whispers in the trees and soft breathing laying next to me  to replicate my heartbeat the mind is a wonderful manipulator  disguised as reason it has motherly venom that drips and poisons reminding me how starved my skin must be of gentleness and sincerity her standards impossible to meet we share our burdens quietly  but our minds are far away stuck in an endless summer burning themselves out  like old rolls of film erasing the past, replacing the present don't you feel content lets read together, go for ...

to be consumed by romance to be drowning in proof you'll find my body at the feet of Aphrodite  beaten and bruised by the pursuit of expectation gorging on pomegranates blood red i'll turn into poetry eventually that way you'll remember me as something a little bit more than a woman with a notes app and untreated neurosis  i refuse to die of a broken heart as if a Romantic like Keats  though twenty-five is generous the stars will see more of me yet

wine tinted lips deep burgundy a poor woman’s rouge, she holds my hand hastily cracked knuckles, chapped  we try to read the room, the waitress speaks suddenly a voice dripping with honey she hovers like a bee around a bloom, imposters syndrome one coffee, two stains hair dampened from the rain, small droplets on the floor you would never have thought the world outside was grey tinted windows and glasses kept the reality at bay cold, shrill laughter and evil glances nothing they could say yet the message still received  we were not welcome like the plague entering rome, fresh revolution forming in our bones smudged ink on cheap paper heavier than stone writing of experiences they will never have known they sat, judgement sitting on the end of their nose eyes full of disdain later they shall complain  of how we ruined their afternoon by existing, in the rich man's room because it's ours to exist in too yet when we painted it red they came and painted it blue