my love

August 2021 what has heaven got that you couldn’t give me in a moment alone together in july with the windows open and the sun taking over the sky and nothing but a stream of thoughts floating in my mind like fresh water that can never find the opening at my mouth,  the problem is you’re close to me but not close enough this silence is loud enough for me to come to my own conclusions because you’re here but you’re not here and i’m looking at you but you’re not seeing me and how in my eyes you are golden and in yours im just plain yellow, i am aware i am catastrophically aware of myself and how this will end and how ill say sorry like a little girl i’m sorry let me be better next time if you’ll give me a next time but now it’s august and i’m scared there will never be a next time and now autumns here to break the spell of summer and i’m scared you’ll be gone with it like a leaf beneath my feet and i’ll carry you with me on my boots until the winter but god right now it’s still warm ...

  19/1/2023 my love for you is liquid in an overflowing glass that i can’t stop filling yet you won’t drink from it you tell me you’re not thirsty enough you’re not sure what you want to drink  maybe my love isn’t for you,  i beg you to drink what’s in the glass  it’s spilling  it’s in constant supply  it flows from my fingers and my tongue  i tell you you’ll never be thirsty again  if you drink from my glass, you bring it to your lips  ‘someone else may be thirstier’ you tell me  ‘someone who knows what they want to drink’ it may only overflow for you, i say  my love won’t spill for everyone creating pools in this way,  what’s wrong with what’s in my glass  that you can’t drink it  ‘nothing’ you say  ‘there’s nothing wrong with it, but you still can’t make me drink’  i’m drowning  you can’t hear me scream  you’re still thinking about it  toying with the idea  you dip a finger remembering...

1/11/2022   every evening in the kitchen i watch you cutting onions with tired eyes and heavy arms fresh from work cutting onions without being asked because they make my eyes water and i watch you so intently with such severity trying to communicate telepathically that i would do absolutely anything for you without question and without complaint if it meant a lifetime of watching you cutting onions in the kitchen after we’ve both finished work and arrived home in the dark to make dinner together for the hundredth time shoulder to shoulder with the big light off and the little lights on to watch the same shows cross-legged on the floor and again i look at you with full belly and warm heart my eyes finding the words my mouth can’t to say thank you for cutting the onions when you got home from work even though your arms are tired and eyes heavy even though i didn’t ask you to because you know they make my eyes water and i would do anything for you without complaint without question i...